What’s this blog about, anyway?
I’ve been thinking about the purpose of this blog. Is it a place to put up my games? A repository of the essays that I scribble once in a while? What’s theme here?
This evening during my daily run, it struck me. I finally got it.
This blog is about my journey to become the most kickass game designer in the world.
Alright, I realise that this sounds a bit meglomaniacal, but hold on – I’ve got a good explanation.
First of all, let’s say that I set some sort of limp goal like “I want to become a pretty good game designer.” What sort of inspiration is this? If you told me that the endpoint of all my work would be to make some crap match-3 ripoff games, I’d quit right now. Seriously, I’d shut down the damn computer and start writing a book or painting or something. I’m not in this to be second-best.
Second of all, what the hell is wrong with egomania? I keep seeing this on forums and on other blogs. Someone makes a comment that implies a tiny bit of taste and discrimination, then the whole internet pops up to crap on their head. I think that I know what the problem is. A lot of these people have fairly small egos – they’re afraid that someone else daring to do great things will crush their pathetic little self. I think the opposite, that everyone should be an egomaniac. Do great things! Shake the world! Wrestle small bears with your bare hands!
Why?
I love games, they are my passion. I knew that I wanted to make games when I was 10. It’s why I learned C++ when I was in high-school and why I got a CS degree. I’ve been on this track for a long time. I believe that it’s important to have a purpose in life, something that draws everything about you into one coherent whole. For me, this is game design.
Also, I believe that games are really broken right now. When the industry was still starting up, there was a dream. The dream was that computers could bring about a new artistic form that would sweep away all other media before it. This dream was trampled in the rush to cash in by the EA’s and the Activisions of the world. The result is what we have right now – games with five sequels about shooting people in the face.
Games need our help if they’re ever to grow and reach their full potential. If we love the medium enough and do something about it, it will happen. I’m going to take a running start and make the biggest dent in the problem that I can. It’s going to take years and I’ll need the help of a whole lot of other people, but it can be done.
How?
So, I have a pretty high opinion of my talents. Actually, it’s kind of weird – it’s like I have two people in my head. This one side of me is deliriously optimistic. This guy can wrestle bears and bite through steel wire fences. I generally think that I’m pretty damn smart.
Then there’s the super-pessimist. The easiest way to trigger this side of me is to ask me about the mainstream games industry. ”Why yes, they DO eat babies. Why do you ask?” This is also the mode in which I usually see my own work. If you told me two years ago that I was going to make AotPZ, I’d be totally thrilled. Now that it’s done though, all I have is meh. Meh! Next game is going to rock though.
As awesome as I am, I have a long way to go to be #1. After all, I have Will Wright and Sid Meier to topple – that’s going to be pretty tough. I’m farther along than most people, but that’s still a long way from the top. I’ll need to learn a ton more about design, creativity, game production, business skills, personal organisation and discipline. Some of these things I’m already good at and others I completely suck at.
This blog is about me learning all those things that make a great game designer. Along the way, I’ll be sharing the insights and problems that I bump into. And one day, I’ll be standing on top of that mountain and yelling at the world.
Now, back to work. The world is not going to take over itself.
Attack of the Paper Zombies
March 6th, 2010 at 8:49 pm
Why are you a business analyst then?
Congratulations on the running. I had no idea, and needless to say I have great admiration for anything like that.
March 7th, 2010 at 12:06 am
I don’t think that quitting my job cold-turkey is a good move right now. There’s a lot of groundwork to be done.
It’s not that I hate my job; most of the time I’m maybe 80%-90% happy. Frankly, my job kicks ass – great people and I’m learning new stuff. Most of the company still has enough flexibility not to be filled with corporate BS. There are people doing tech support out there who are like “Dude, stop whining, your work rocks.” The thing that gets me is the opportunity cost. There are people out there making millions doing stuff that they’re crazy passionate about. One day, I’ll be one of those people, but I have to sharpen my skills first.
The way I see it, this stuff is a lot like a plane taking off. Yeah, you can throw the thing off a cliff and either it flies or ends up in a scrap heap at the bottom. Most planes take off a runway, though. When the plane has enough lift, it flies by itself – no need for the runway any more.
March 7th, 2010 at 12:34 am
As to why I moved to a BA role, that’s what my sober brain thought would be a good decision. It was the best “inside the box” solution that I could come up with to loving my job. Most people never think of colouring outside the lines.
I can’t say that I’m some fearless Internet entrepreneur yet, but the idea is growing on me. Two years ago it was insane – like a little kid telling his parents that he wants to be an astronaut. Things changed – now it’s merely rash. Fast forward two years, who knows what will happen?
March 7th, 2010 at 10:21 am
One of the interesting developments of late has been ‘the rise of the ba’. Up until a few years ago, ba’s were definitely second class citizens, like OR nurses mopping the brow of the surgeon. This has changed and now I think ba’s are actually held in higher esteem.
This seems like a positive development in a co like ours where the value of tech wizardry is much lower than the value of understanding RRIF payments.
Please, please read Paul Graham! You can hardly read a paragraph without getting riled up to go take on the world. As an Internetpreneur, I mean.
March 7th, 2010 at 11:03 am
I’ll have to check his essays out. The titles look interesting.